Emotionless
by Filthy Mudblood
Summary: songfic to Good Charlotte's 'emotionless.' it's all about Draco... poor him ;(


Filthy Mudblood: A fanfic... with Draco... without Hermione... I think I'm coming down with something. Anyway... here's the songfic for you!  
  
Disclaimer: All the characters, places, spells, and such mentioned in this fanfiction are property of J.K. Rowling. The song belongs to Good Charlotte and is called "Emotionless."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Emotionless"  
  
"Hey dad, I'm writing to you / Not to tell you, that I still hate you / Just to ask you how you feel / How we fell apart, how this fell apart / Are you happy out there in this great wide world? / Do you think about your sons? Do you miss your little girl? / When you lay your head down, how do you sleep at night? / Do you even wonder if we're alright? / We're alright, we're alright"  
  
"They're squibs, Narcissa! Don't you know what this means?! This will ruin the family name! There hasn't been a single Malfoy who didn't know magic, until now!" Lucius Malfoy yelled at his wife.  
  
Draco knew he probably shouldn't be listening... not that he was eavesdropping... he liked to think of it as listening to something you really shouldn't, that you could get in trouble for... alright! Eavesdropping! But they really should have the sense to close the bedroom door when they're going to be arguing about something. Not that it would've mattered. Draco would hear his father a mile away. His voice boomed through the whole mansion, like thunder on a stormy day.  
  
"Lucius! It's not our fault, and it's not theirs either, that they can't do certain things. We shouldn't punish them for it. We should try to HELP them through-" Narcissa began, but was interrupted by Lucius.  
  
"Those bloody twins are nothing but trouble! Samantha's even worse than Adam! I know she's younger and all, but she hasn't even shown signs of magic at all... he's doing way better than she is, even though he can't do barely anything for a seven year old!"  
  
The twins, or Samantha and Adam, were Draco's younger siblings. Draco feared something bad like this would happen. Nobody knew about them yet... at least non-relatives. Only Lucius, Narcissa, Draco, and, of course, the house-elves knew of them because Lucius was ashamed of them. He was embarrassed. He seemed to be the only one who thought so, but they listened to him. You didn't exactly want to get on his bad side....  
  
Draco, who was in his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry currently, looked up to his father. His father was a powerful man, and a great supporter of Lord Voldemort. He respected that. And one day he wanted to grow up to be just like him... if not better!  
  
There was a moment of silence... or at least it seemed like it. Draco couldn't hear anything from his bedroom, with the door slightly cracked... it was down the hall from his parents room. Then...  
  
"Lucius... Lucius, what are you doing?" Narcissa asked, panic rising in her voice. "Please... please, no! You can't go!" Draco calmed down a bit... he thought his father was going to hurt her... but he continued to listen in.  
  
"I'm afraid I have to," Lucius said. "I'll not stand it seeing those two everyday and remembering each time I see them how stupid they really are!" Draco heard shuffling, then footsteps, and he closed the door so that his father wouldn't notice. He didn't. He opened the door slightly and peeked out, just in time to see Lucius go out the door with a suitcase, and slam the door loudly. Then he heard soft crying, and looked to see his mother standing by the railing of the stairs at the top, and looking to the spot her husband had just left from. She had a hand to her mouth and tears down her cheeks.  
  
Draco stood up, and opened the door to his room all the way. The creak of it was heard by his mother, who turned, saw him and watched as he went forward and hugged her. She just held on to him and cried on his shoulder, even harder. He didn't admire his father anymore. He was no hero of his, that's for sure!  
  
"It's been a long hard road without you by my side / Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? / You broke my mother's heart you broke your children for life / It's not okay, but we're alright / I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes / But those were just a long lost memory of mine / I spent so many year learning how to survive / Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive"  
  
"So you mean he's not coming back?" Samantha asked her brother Draco, the next day.  
  
"I don't think so, Sammy... I just don't think so."  
  
"What? Did you just say daddy's not coming back?" asked Adam, coming into the room, and going over to sit by them.  
  
Draco nodded, sadly. "But it'll be alright... don't worry. We'll still have fun just you, me and mom," he said, pointing to the two, and pulling them close.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was finally the end of Draco's seventh year, at his graduation, and he looked out into the crowd, as he stood in the front of the great hall with the rest of his year. Not that he expected his father to show... not like he wanted him to, either.  
  
"Where's your father, Malfoy?" Granger whispered, from standing right next to him. She didn't ask that in a rude way, yet somehow he was angry at her for asking.  
  
"None of your damn business!" he hissed, keeping the tears back.  
  
She left him alone after that. And a good thing, too. He didn't want to hurt her... although he didn't really know why. He just didn't feel like talking to her... not even to comment on her being a muggle-born. He didn't care about that right now. He didn't even call her a mudblood anymore, because that was the type of thing his father would do, and he didn't like to think about him.  
  
It wasn't fair, it really wasn't. How a man could just leave for something as stupid as that. And he wouldn't ever show his face again. Not even at his son's own graduation. Draco was so near tears now, that it was barely helping to keep them back, one slipped out on accident, and he quickly wiped it away, so nobody would notice. If people thought Draco Malfoy cried, they'd think of him as a sissy... he didn't want to ruin his reputation.  
  
After the graduation ceremony, there was a feast, where families would get to talk and celebrate together. He spotted his family easily... all of them had white-blonde hair and grey-blue eyes. He talked to them, but then sort of quit listening as he looked around the crowd once more. He saw Weasley and his family, the whole lot of them... then Granger and her parents... then Potter and- no one. He'd almost forgotten that he had no parents. And it was all because of stupid Lord Voldemort. He didn't even like the dark lord anymore because it was something his father liked. No... his father worshipped him. So that was an excellent reason for Draco to go against him. He actually felt bad for Potter, though. Which was a strange thing for him to feel. He'd always hated Potter, but just thinking about it now made him feel that way. It was terrible what happened to his parents. He'd never actually found out why Voldemort went after the Potters... that was unusual because his father told him practically everything that nobody else knew about. But he wouldn't think about his father now...  
  
He automatically continued searching the crowd, for just the simplest sight of blonde. He did see it a couple times, but it wasn't his father.  
  
"Are you looking for him?" His mother asked, noticing him looking around.  
  
Draco turned to her. "Would you be mad at me if I was?"  
  
She shook her head. "It's okay, you know." She hugged him. "We all still miss him a lot."  
  
"The days I spent so cold, so hungry / Were full of hate, I was so angry / The scars run deep inside this tattooed body / There's things I'll take to my grave / But I'm okay, I'm okay"  
  
A few years after school, Draco had resorted to living with the muggles. It was hard at first, but after a while, he grew accustomed to their way of life. And it didn't seem so out of the ordinary anymore. It was actually kind of fun... and interesting.  
  
He still kept in touch with his mother, brother and sister... they'd come and visit him sometimes, and he'd sometimes drop by the mansion, or the school to see how they were doing. They'd come a long way since before. They were actually learning magic now, and good at it. 100%'s on every assignment... sort of like Granger... how she'd always be studying. That's what they did so that they'd be sure to please father... but he'd never know that they weren't really squibs. They just didn't feel like doing magic before, but once in school, they learned about it, and were able to do it as well as any other wizard... if not better.  
  
Too bad Lucius hadn't stuck around to find that out. Then he'd be even more proud of them, than he was of Draco. But Draco wouldn't mind. At least he's still have a father around.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Damn! Who'd have known these hurt so much?" Draco asked himself, after he payed for his tattoo. He walked out of the shop, and looked down at his bandaged arm. He'd just gotten his first tattoo, and it hurt like hell. It was a skull on his upper right arm. (Filthy Mudblood: But I didn't say a skull with a snake coming out the mouth, now did I? So it's not for Voldemort...)  
  
The next day, he took the bandage off... the tattoo turned out pretty good. In fact, Draco liked it a lot. Now he'd have to go show it off to people around town. He went to his closet and got dressed... he picked out a muscle t-shirt, to show the tattoo and finished getting ready. He grabbed a banana, ate it quickly and left for a walk.  
  
People noticed... one of his muggle neighbors saw it, waved and said, "Hey, Draco! That's a sweet tattoo ya got there! When'd you get it?" He walked over to where Draco stood and admired it from there.  
  
"Just yesterday," Draco responded.  
  
"It's been a long hard road without you by my side / Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? / You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life / It's not okay, but we're alright / I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes / But those are just a long lost memory of mine / Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive"  
  
Draco thought about writing a letter to his father... but what would he say? Where to begin? There was so much he needed to know, but he also didn't need to. He sighed, and finally agreed that he should. He got out a piece of paper and pen, and sat down to write.....  
  
'Dear Dad,  
  
It's me, your eldest son, Draco. I know, haven't heard from me in a while. I haven't heard from you, either. I know what happened... that night six years back, when you left. I overheard your conversation with mom.  
  
You know, when you left, I was the one who comforted mom. She was crying more than you could imagine. The twins didn't cry, but they weren't in a happy mood. I had to tell them that you wouldn't be coming back, and they only had me and mother to help them with it.  
  
During my graduation, I looked for your face, but you were nowhere to be seen. I didn't expect you to be there, but I thought it was the least you could do, and I would've felt better had you shown up.  
  
Speaking of the twins, they're doing quite well in school. Had you stuck around, you'd have seen how well they're doing, and you'd know that they're the top in their year with... yes.. MAGIC. The very thing you thought they didn't have what it took, and the very reason you left. By the way, WHY did you leave? It couldn't have been just for that? If so, that was the worst excuse I've ever heard.  
  
People don't know that you've left, I assume. Unless you've told others. We haven't.  
  
I'm sorry you made the decision to leave, and I wish you wouldn't had the brains to think it over before you went and made this mistake. 'Fore it was a mistake that you made. And none of us is to blame, but you. You could've supported Adam and Samantha, instead you pretended they were worth nothing, and left them behind.  
  
I'm sorry you don't love us like we loved you. You know how much I cared for you? No, I suspect you wouldn't. But I did. I worshipped the ground you walked on. I wanted to be just like you when I got older... it's true. I'd always admired you for the way you'd stand up to people. Not anymore.  
  
There's something I think will surprise you. And if it doesn't, then I'm surprised with you. The something, is that I'm currently living in the muggle world. Yes, I, Draco Malfoy, pureblood Slytherin, wizard with potential, am living with muggles. In fact, I've quit making fun of muggle- borns quite some time ago. Ever since you left, in fact. I find muggles to be interesting, and am enjoying their way of life. You never got the chance to get to know them before judging them. You still think they're filth, I'm sure. But that's just like you.  
  
Anyway, I don't expect you to respond to this letter. I just wanted to let you know how I feel, and felt about you, and how everything was. Just letting you know what you missed out on.  
  
Your son, Draco'  
  
"And sometimes, I forgive / Yeah and this time, I'll admit / That I miss you, said I miss you"  
  
When Draco really thought about it, he really did miss his old man. But he'd never admit it. He'd keep denying it right up until the day he died. His tombstone would read "Draco Malfoy, a man with a secret." He guessed his mother already knew, though. His mother felt the same way, it was impossible for her to not at least think that he missed Lucius, too.  
  
Draco decided he'd go for a walk. He had nothing better to do, and he just couldn't get to sleep. He got out of bed, and pulled some pants and a shirt on. Then he tripped a little going down the stairs, and out the door to the cold, empty streets.  
  
Nobody was outside. But why would they be? It was midnight, everyone was asleep. He would be too, he was so tired. He yawned, and continued walking, down the sidewalk, making noise as his feet dragged across the cement. He looked from house to house, seeing all the windows black, and no movement inside each one. It was cold out, and he'd forgotten a jacket. But he didn't feel like going back now.  
  
The streetlights were dim, but he could still see his way. He kept going until he found a park and sat down on the bench. As a cold wind whistled, he wrapped his arms around himself, and shivered a bit, looking out at the lake that was beside the park.  
  
He started feeling drowsy, so he layed down, and soon enough, he was asleep. He woke up an hour later, to find a pidgeon pecking at the back of his head. But he was so cold he couldn't move. He was almost frozen stiff... at least that's how it felt. He wasn't sure or not if that really was the case. It was fall, and almost winter, so the nights were getting colder and colder.  
  
He fell asleep again, and this time when he awoke he was getting rained on. He tried as hard as he could to get up, and eventually did. Then he went to walk home, as cold as it was, and as wet as he'd become, still hugging himself, and trying to keep warm. He didn't think he'd make it, but he finally did, and got inside to his warm house. He sighed, and after a minute of adjusting, he went to make a fire, some hot cocoa, and change his clothes.  
  
"It's been a long hard road without you by my side / Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? / You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life / Its' not okay, but we're alright / I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes / But those are just a long lost memory of mine / Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive"  
  
Sitting by the fire, wrapped up in a blanket, Draco sipped his cocoa contentedly and gazed into the bright yellow flames. He jumped slightly when he heard a knock on the door. He moaned, not wanting to get up, and went to the door. He checked his watch, as he opened the door.  
  
"It's 4:00 in the morning! Who the hell would-?!" He said to himself, but stopped when he saw who stood outside on the porch. "Dad," he whispered.  
  
It was none other than Lucius Malfoy, standing there. They stared at each other for a full minute or two before Lucius began talking. "Son, I... I don't know where to begin..."  
  
"Did you get my letter?" Draco asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then we have no business talking to one another. If you'll just leave-"  
  
"No, we still need to talk."  
  
"How did you find me?"  
  
"I have my ways. Draco, I'm sorry about what happened, I-"  
  
"I don't want to hear it!" Draco said, holding his hands up signaling him to stop talking.  
  
"Please just listen."  
  
Draco lowered his arms, and stared at his father again for longer this time. "You've been gone for six whole years! I have nothing to say to you."  
  
"But, son, I-" Lucius began, but Draco slammed the door in his face. Draco locked it, then turned and slid down against the door, and sat on the floor. Tears rolled down his face, and he sat there like that until people started waking up and the streets were busy once again.  
  
"And sometimes, I forgive / Yeah and this time, I'll admit / That I miss you, said I miss you / Hey dad..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Filthy Mudblood: Well, now it's that time again... *hint* *hint* NO! Not THAT time!!! Sheesh! I meant time to review! 


End file.
